


all this and heaven too

by lipvestheworld



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comfort No Hurt, F/F, Inspired by Florence + the Machine, Lesbian Character, Poetry, Songfic, lipves - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:32:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipvestheworld/pseuds/lipvestheworld
Summary: And the indescribable feeling she feels ever-growing in her chest is too powerful. Nevertheless, she’s constantly trying her best to describe it; and being a writer, she always thought exquisite words would suffice.When in honesty, a simple four-letter word does its job.





	all this and heaven too

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a florence + the machine fan and i love all of her songs, especially the one i was inspired to when i was writing this (i even have a tattoo of the first verse lmao) so when i was listening to the song today the idea just popped in my head! it's currently 2am here and i haven't proofread this but i'm posting it anyway bc i know if i don't i'll lose the courage to do it.
> 
> english isn't my first language, so forgive any grammar mistakes!  
> listen to the song to have a better experience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DME1aN-sxCM

_And the heart is hard to translate_  
_It has a language of its own_  
_It talks in tongues and quiet sighs_  
_And prayers and proclamations in the grand days_  
_Of great men and the smallest of gestures  
_ _In short shallow gasps_

 

You would think that being a writer would do wonders for Jungeun. And it did. She was known worldwide, she was respected between her profession colleagues, she won awards for her poetry books… Too bad that even though being a poetry writer, she didn’t really _understand_ the meaning of love. Not entirely, at least.

 

She could search the word up on the dictionary. She could think about it, dissect it, write poems, but she didn’t really understand, because she never felt it. Sometimes she felt like she was fake. She vomited all of these words, these _beautiful_ words to describe what it is to love and be in love, but never experienced it. She would give _anything_ to have someone to be the source of her poems.

 

And then she met Sooyoung.

 

 _But with all my education, I can’t seem to command it_  
_And the words are all escaping and coming back all damaged_ __  
And I would put them back in poetry, if I only knew how  
_I can’t seem to understand it_

 

Jungeun met Sooyoung at a reading party. She was talking with one of Jungeun’s closest friends, and when they introduced them, when she looked at Sooyoung, she felt something _shift_ inside of her. She was too old to believe in love at first sight, and although her fellow writers always talked about this on their books, she never believed it was actually possible to feel such a strong feeling for someone with just one look. She still doesn’t believe in any of that. But there was something there, Jungeun was sure. When their eyes met… it was oddly familiar. It felt like _coming home_ , as cheesy as it sounds.  
  
She went home a bit tipsy that night, but she couldn’t forget Sooyoung’s eyes. She tried to write something about it, enjoying the fact that now she would write something after experiencing it.

 

And nothing came out.

 

She tried her hardest and still _nothing_.

 

Jungeun didn’t believed in writer’s block, either, especially not after having such a special encounter, but her efforts were worthless.  Words were second nature to her, and still… _nothing._ The feeling was still _there_ \- even though she couldn’t name it - and it was something new and strange to her, but it was _strong_ , nothing like she ever felt before. She felt frustrated. Hopeless.

 

She wandered all night through her apartment, trying to think of something, _anything_ , to say.

To write.

 

_Nothing._

 

 _And I would give all this and heaven too_  
_I would give it all if only for a moment_  
_That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see  
_ _Because I’ve been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all_

 

Sooyoung loved poetry since she was a child, because that was what her mother used to read for her at night. It was something that amazed (and sometimes shocked) people when they found out about this, but Sooyoung always felt grateful to have this thing to share with her mother - something that was just theirs.

 

She tried being a poetry writer herself when she was in high school. Her mother would laugh at her attempts to write a poem because she thought it was so funny and they were so bad. Sooyoung felt hurt at the beginning for the lack of support, but her mother would always try to make her feel better after. Sooyoung realized soon enough being a writer wasn’t for her, because she really didn’t have it in her to do it, so she gave up on the idea.  
  
When her mother passed away, she felt afloat, with nothing to hold on to. And all the things she tried to cope with her loss, to cope with the pain, didn’t help. Trying to read her favorite poems by her (and her mother’s) authors always make her feel like everything she thought that was beautiful in poems became ugly; everything that she thought the authors understood about what they wrote was false, inauthentic. Do they even experienced moments like the ones they wrote? Do they experienced love, unhappiness, grief?

 

It wasn’t until much later after her mother’s death that she discovered a female poet. She read a poem of hers that some friend posted on a picture on Instagram and when she read it, she felt something so profound grow inside of her; she didn’t had the words to describe it. But it was so intense she immediately started crying.

 

It felt like all the pain in her chest was slowly extinguishing, giving way to something much stronger. It felt like she was _understood_.

 

 _And it talks to me in tiptoes_  
_And it sings to me inside  
_ _It cries out in the darkest night and breaks in the morning light_

 

The universe seemed to want their encounter to repeat. They met at a grocery store, out of all places. If Jungeun were to write a romance novel, she wouldn’t want make that to happen to her characters. But she couldn’t hide the surprise on her face; she dreamed of this for weeks, and tried her hardest to find the woman that turned her into a mess. Jungeun never stopped thinking about Sooyoung, and she felt strangely attached to someone she just shared a few words with. So when their eyes met once again, Jungeun found herself losing all of her beliefs.

 

The connection she felt was just too strong to ignore. So she didn’t.

 

 _No words are poor language_  
_It doesn’t deserve such treatment_  
_And all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling  
_ _All this heaven never could describe such a feeling..._

 

Jungeun looked at Sooyoung sleeping on her bed, one year later after meeting again, and smiled. She remembered how she felt when Sooyoung told her how her poem made her feel when she needed the most... She hadn’t believed in a lot of things on her life. Most of them, she still doesn’t. But when she tried to explain - mostly to herself - how deep their bond is, she would often find herself without enough words.

 

And the indescribable feeling she feels ever-growing in her chest is too powerful. Nevertheless, she’s constantly trying her best to describe it; and being a writer, she always thought exquisite words would suffice.

 

When in honesty, a simple four-letter word does its job.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos/comments! <3
> 
> you can find me on twitter/curiouscat: @chuuuuwu :D


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